Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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