So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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