i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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