Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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