i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
