Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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