my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Your penis caused this!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize