In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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