Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize