I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
