You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
