dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We named our party play list daddy issues
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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