the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Your penis caused this!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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