there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
