i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
