Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
