well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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