question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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