i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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