If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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