I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
