so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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