Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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