I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
