True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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