True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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