Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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