If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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