I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
