when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
