I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
