He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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