can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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