Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
