its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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