when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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