hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize