you traded sex for a burrito?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
