new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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