God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
