i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
