Soap is not a condiment
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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