I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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