so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
