You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize