I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
