You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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