I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
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