Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
