Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
