Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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