I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
