im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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