I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
