Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
