he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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