I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
