i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
