Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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