How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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