He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize