you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
