He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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