If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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