where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
wat bout pragnant strippers??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
