Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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