Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
