are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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