My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
