did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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