I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
