Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
did you just send me my own nude
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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